Dope. Not really many more fitting descriptions for the softest man at the club who many may be forgiven for not knowing his age bearing in mind he has been drinking in pubs for 25 years now.

Beattie thinks he is a central midfielder but he isn't. He's not really even a wide midfielder or a full back but that's where he tends to find himself slotting in. If picked to play will turn up with a Mr B's bag, not the only bag he'll come with mind, and a pair of yellow boots. He is also likely to be inebriated or intoxicated or both.

Nice guy, not very intelligent. More famous for looking like that gay Ian Gallagher from Shameless than for his footballing talents.